(H&M coat, H&M scarf, ZARA over the knee boots, Stradivarius bag, Stradivarius sweater)
I’ve noticed that I don’t feel myself miserable anymore, as I did for quite a while, ever since I graduated high school. I think, for so long I was trying to understand myself, to find a way, to make my life more interesting and then at one point I stopped. I stopped because I knew who I was. I was on my way, walking towards my goals and gracefully achieving them. I was living an interesting life, not because of something or for someone, but simply because I enjoyed every single second of it. Understanding that this is the moment that will never happen again and that was the beauty of it. I didn’t even notice all of these changes before I finally felt that I am a different person now. I can even tell that when I started changing and becoming a new person that I am today, I was scared. I was scared of the power and strength I felt inside. I was scared of the potential I have and the mindset that is free and limitless in understanding the meaning of life and in shaping my own beliefs.
There are still some questions in my head waiting to be answered, but after all those years when I felt lost and misguided, I can honestly say, I don’t feel that emptiness inside anymore. And if you’ve ever been there, if you have ever felt that way, then you know how hella good it feels to finally leave your misery behind.
But if you don’t know this feeling of relief yet, if you still have to find out who You Are, there’s only one thing I may say: don’t stop, my love. It’s totally worth it.
I had 4 days to spend in sunny and magical Venice, but I didn’t have a plan, a list of places to go, or a clear idea of what we were gonna do there. Frankly, there was no point in that. I went to clear my mind, to kill my anxiety, to take a deep breath and just to relax. I wanted to turn off the connection with the reality, to finally let myself wake up without any plans for a day, without any to do lists, without any obligations. And so I did. And guess what? It made the whole time of living in Venice so freaking special and inspiring for me. As I was walking there, I started feeling the need to write, and not just some notes or articles, but a novel. My novel, with my characters, with their story, that I need to tell.
I always become extremely happy when I travel, but such a creative mood that aspires me to create a piece of art doesn’t visit me in all of my travels. As far as I remember last time I had this feeling of pure and powerful inspiration was back in winter 2014, when I went to Azerbaijan for a month. I was going through a major depressive episode in my life and wanted to find a direction for my future. After that trip I got my first job as a fashion journalist, started my Russian YouTube Channel, moved to Europe and started studying Journalism & Communications at my university.
Nevertheless, this time I opened a part of myself, that I was trying to find/create/make/understand, and as simple as that I set a goal and made a promise to myself: to write my novel, about my unique characters living in their own reality, with their own story that I will be lucky to tell… one day.
But for now check out my travel vlog from Venice. Hope you’ll enjoy!
(Pull & Bear bomber jacket, Zara crop top, Pull & Bear high waisted jeans, H&M boots, Forever 21 bag, Michael Kors watch)
Take a deep breath and create.
I finally feel how inspiration and creativity are running through my veins, expressing themselves in every single thing I do.
I’ve lost myself and I’ve created a new one, ‘cuz being the same person your entire life is extremely boring. So now I try to listen to Her, this new person I’m becoming, and to let go of all the things that I was doing for the last few years that didn’t truly belong to me and will never be part of Her.
You can never find yourself, you can only create. The same way you create your art in life. And as I’ve already met Her, I need to organize my life for you to meet Her as well. But I promise, you’ll love Her, as I already do. Because, she’s the one who lets me be free, crazy, wild and real.
As a new chapter of my life is about to be opened, My-new-Self is about to emerge.
It is always hard to sum up your whole trip into words, to try to illustrate and to tell about a new place that you have been to, and it’s even harder to tell about a city that not only inspired you but helped you to find all the answers to the questions in your head.
Paris, I love you.
It sounds tacky, but I am proud to say that I am one of those lucky people who got a chance to fall in love with this city. Everything there looked so familiar as if I’d always lived there, as if in one of my previous lives (which I’m not quite sure of, but still) I was here: I lived & I loved. I Loved…
Paris, more than any other city that I’ve been to, made me think of my future, of my true identity, of my dreams 5 years ago and now, and most importantly it reminded me my true values. I’m still trying to analyze it all and understand myself, and as soon as I will succeed in that, I will be happy to share it with you, as always. <3
I will share more in my next posts from Paris, but for now check out a vlog from Paris!