It Took a Long Time to Find My Voice

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(H&M coat, H&M scarf, ZARA over the knee boots, Stradivarius bag, Stradivarius sweater)

I’ve noticed that I don’t feel myself miserable anymore, as I did for quite a while, ever since I graduated high school. I think, for so long I was trying to understand myself, to find a way, to make my life more interesting and then at one point I stopped. I stopped because I knew who I was. I was on my way, walking towards my goals and gracefully achieving them. I was living an interesting life, not because of something or for someone, but simply because I enjoyed every single second of it. Understanding that this is the moment that will never happen again and that was the beauty of it. I didn’t even notice all of these changes before I finally felt that I am a different person now. I can even tell that when I started changing and becoming a new person that I am today, I was scared. I was scared of the power and strength I felt inside. I was scared of the potential I have and the mindset that is free and limitless in understanding the meaning of life and in shaping my own beliefs.

There are still some questions in my head waiting to be answered, but after all those years when I felt lost and misguided, I can honestly say, I don’t feel that emptiness inside anymore. And if you’ve ever been there, if you have ever felt that way, then you know how hella good it feels to finally leave your misery behind.

But if you don’t know this feeling of relief yet, if you still have to find out who You Are, there’s only one thing I may say: don’t stop, my love. It’s totally worth it.

LM Book Club #1

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One of this year’s resolutions of mine was to read more this year. Another one was to write more. And as in January & in the beginning of February I managed to read 3 books, and I’m currently reading the 4th one in this year’s list of Books I’ve Read, I thought it might be good to mix those two resolutions and to start new series on my blog – LM Book Club.

The idea of this Book Club is just to share with you my reviews on books I’ve read to share with you. I hope it might be helpful and fascinating for all the booklovers reading my blog.

With that being said, I think it’s time to share 3 first books I have for you. Shall we begin?

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Kurban Said “The Girl From The Golden Horn” was the first book of the year for me, and as I came to buy “Ali & Nino” by the same author (read more below), I left with two books instead. I could not resist buying this one, simply because as I started reading it in a book store I could not stop. The story of Asiadeh Anbari, daughter of Turkish pasha that had to move to Berlin after WWI and the collapse of Ottoman Empire. Eventually she meets her future husband Dr. Hassa, Viennese doctor, but if you think that this is the end of a story, you are wrong, my friends, it is only a beginning and gets more interesting.

For me it was just a reminder of how I felt when I just moved to Prague, so I saw myself in Asiadeh, but the ending of the book made me realize that probably I, unlike her, could adopt the European mentality, and wouldn’t do what she had done.

Nevertheless, this book is a good read for romantic young ladies, especially for those who are interested in Turkey’s culture and history.

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Kurban Said “Ali and Nino”. Finally the day has come and I got myself a book that I desired for many years, but could not find it anywhere. But as I do believe in the law of attraction, it worked once again and I found Ali & Nino in a book store in Almaty back in the beginning of January.

This love story about Azerbaijani boy Ali and Georgian girl Nino who fall in love with each other (of course), but as it is a significant part of the book, the most important idea of it is how Said could show the relations of different ethnicities living in the Caucasus region during the Russian Empire’s times and right before the Bolsheviks came to power. This story represents how Azerbaijanis proclaimed an independence of Azerbaijan, and how they lost it. But, as we know from today’s history, Azerbaijan got its independence back in 1991, after 71 years of Soviet occupation. Frankly, it became a very personal book for me, as I am half Azeri, I always try to know more about my Dad’s national culture, heritage, history. This book indeed was the perfect one for me.

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F. Scott Fitzgerald “The Great Gatsby”. You probably have heard about it so many times and maybe you even have watched a movie with handsome Leonardo DiCaprio (which I still haven’t watched yet), but I got this book about three years ago, and I need to be honest here, I was not interested in it at first. It took me all these years to finally get my hands on it and to finish it, but as soon as I did I changed my mind completely.

The story of a man who was in love with only one woman his entire life, how he was ready to do anything to make her his wife. And it only in the end that you understand what Great of a man Gatsby was.

Another important part of this book is how perfectly written this book is. Fitzgerald’s writing style is goals, especially if you are a Journalism student and an aspiring writer.

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I hope you are feeling more inspired now to go and actually read something or maybe one of three books that I recommend you to read. If so, then my main goal was accomplished and I may go read the fourth book of this year, which I’ll tell you about in my next LM Book Club post.

Love, Leila.

Never Stop Creating New SH*T

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(Pull & Bear bomber jacket, Zara crop top, Pull & Bear high waisted jeans, H&M boots, Forever 21 bag, Michael Kors watch)

Take a deep breath and create.

I finally feel how inspiration and creativity are running through my veins, expressing themselves in every single thing I do.

I’ve lost myself and I’ve created a new one, ‘cuz being the same person your entire life is extremely boring. So now I try to listen to Her, this new person I’m becoming, and to let go of all the things that I was doing for the last few years that didn’t truly belong to me and will never be part of Her.

You can never find yourself, you can only create. The same way you create your art in life. And as I’ve already met Her, I need to organize my life for you to meet Her as well. But I promise, you’ll love Her, as I already do. Because, she’s the one who lets me be free, crazy, wild and real.

As a new chapter of my life is about to be opened, My-new-Self is about to emerge.

Love, Leila.

Momentum

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(Pull & Bear bomber jacket, Stradivarius sweater, Forever 21 bag, Michael Kors watch, Zara booties)

Sometimes there comes a moment in your life when you think you know everything about yourself, your past and your future. But you don’t and you never will. Any human being is the work in progress, and no one really knows what comes next in life. You may make your plans, set your goals and work hard, and then wake up one day and feel that you are a different person now and there is no passion in doing things that made you feel alive before. But guess what, I think it’s a great sign of a new beginning.

The moment you think you have your life figured out, you just decide that it’s not enough and you can do more than that. This is the moment when you grow by setting greater goals for yourself, in order to become a better person and to use your potential to the fullest.